Dating Application

I got this one from my neighbor and had to post it.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

Name ___________________________ Date of Birth _________________
Height ________ Weight _________ IQ _________ GPA __________
Social Security # ___________________ Driver's License # _____________
Boy Scout Rank and Badges ________________________________
Home Address __________________ City/State ______________ Zip _______
Do you have parents? ___yes ___ no
Is one male and the other female? ___yes ___ no
If no, please explain __________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married __________________________________
If less than your age, explain _____________________________________________
Do you own or have access to a van? _____yes ____ no
A truck with oversized tires? _____yes _____no
A waterbed? _____yes _____no
A pickup with a mattress in the back? ___yes ____no
A tattoo? ___yes ____no
Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? ____yes ____ no

(IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "Late" mean to you?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "Don't touch my daughter" mean to you?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "Abstinence" mean to you?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ______________________________________
How often you attend ____________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _______________
mother?_______________
pastor? _______________

SHORT ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be: ____________________
___________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: _______________________
C. A woman's place is in the: _______________________________________________
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ___________________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ____________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I alway notice about her first is: ____________________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ______________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______________________________________________________________
Applicant's signature (that means your name, moron)
___________________ _______________ ________________________
Mother's signature Father's signature
_____________________________________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi/ State Representative or Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non sexual. Please allow four to six YEARS for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and wit would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).